so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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