i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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