I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
