I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
