her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
