When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
