Only a mothe r could love this liver
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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