She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
