Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
