Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
