i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A+ Viking dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
