Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
