Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
