If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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