ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
