After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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