Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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