I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
