Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
