Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
