the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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