glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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