I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
