time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
