sorry about calling you the devil all night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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