piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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