i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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