I didn't shave. On purpose
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
