mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
