we have officially lost it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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