You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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