I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
