im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
