so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize