I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize