I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
