it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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