Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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