You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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