Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
