so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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