what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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