1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
