if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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