Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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