dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
