I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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