Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
