I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
