Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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