My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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