I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
