apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
