The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
