We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
