i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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