Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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