Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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