I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
