Don't make out with my wife yet
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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