you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
