i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
May the power of my ass compel you!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
