I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
