I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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