belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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