shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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