but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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