I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
