i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
