My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
