Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I seem to have left my pride at pride
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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