You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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