Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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