he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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