i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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