Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
