My sheets look like a crime scene.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
