dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
