it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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