I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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