Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
