just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
